♥of.trip.&.me.♥

I'll be leaving for Kedah in 5 hours & I'm not done with the packing and whatnot for my trip back home. Well, fret not. I'm taking a half day leave today so there's no need to be hasty.

.....

Ramadhan is just around the corner so Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak to all. Please forgive me for my unintentional(yes,seriously) bad words and doings. May you have a blessed Ramadhan.

& owh..SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEBANGSAAN,I'll be at home - stuffing myself up like an oink oink or perhaps out on a shopping spree with mummy dearest, she already told me bout her endless plan last night. he he.

I'm off. Don't miss me (as if). :P

♥of.craving.&.me.♥

C*** messaged me yesterday when I was still in the fridge office - asking me out for dinner cause he was staying over at his bro's place, which is 15 minutes away from my place,maka boleh la pergi dinner bersama - sama which is rare during weekdays.

Well,whenever we eat out(obviously la asyik-asyik eat out kan? Nak makan kat rumah camne pon?) it's my call when it comes to decide about the food cause he's not really fussy about his food, he's the ultimate asal makan sudah type. So,I always get to choose what and where to eat.Yey me!

Initially, I was craving - yes craving coz I was fasting yesterday,dah nak masuk Ramadhan pon puasa lagi you might ask. The truth is I lost count on how many days that I need to qada so berpuasa lebih untuk keselamatan dan ketenteraman fikiran dan perasaan - okie back to the food. I was craving for nasi + daging masak merah + telur dadar + hot soup + honey dew juice but it was raining cats and dogs so tetiba je ended up in front of the Pizza Hut.

He he. Okay, I lied. It was not really a spontaneous decision since I've actually thought of it. The hot pizza oozing with melted cheese images ran through my mind and I eventually succumbed to it.

*sighs*

Macam mana la tak comel? Takpe,comel sikit pon ada orang suka. Err..suka kan? T__T

p/s: Off to home sweet home - Kedah tomorrow. Wohhhooo!!

Back for the weekend update.

With the intention of not over-stuffing ourselves before the dinner, we had Paramesan Cheese pretzels washed down with Lychee Paradise from Juicework and Côte d’Or chocolate with hazelnuts for tea. Tehee...

& when C*** hinted that he needed a quick nicotine fix, I excused myself to the washroom and later told him that I'm going to the surau for my Asar prayer and tetiba teringat that I'm short of cash so I headed to the ATM machines first and whilst I was there, C*** suddenly popped up next to me whilst mouthing "Dah semayang ke?", I looked at him and gave him a quick shrug. He then walked to the surau only to come back to me 2 minutes later saying
"Dia tulis the surau is closed for renovation, so harini semua orang kat KLCC takyah semayang sehingga further notice. he he".

Tak yah semayang hingga further notice?Riiighhtttt. he he.

So we headed to the surau in Mandarin Oriental Hotel.Aman tenteram dan tidak crowded - infact it was void from any traces of human existence, for that particular moment at least. :P

Then,whilst waiting for Maghrib, we went to Sony cause C*** needed to find out something about his digicam and I somehow managed to grab myself a new Dior eyeliner.

Mission accomplished.

......

Later after Maghrib, we had our fattening Saturday's dinner at Chilis - the possibly final dinner together before he leaves for Japan as claimed by C***(since he's blardy busy nowadays,it seems impossible for him to stay at one place now) but somehow I have this vision that it won't be the final one, not this one, not yet *denial mode* - cause I'll bug him for another dinner or two and perhaps we'll be able to have our iftar together.Owh..we'll see.

So where was I? Chilis, yes the dinner. We decided to go for the huge plate of BBQ ribs and Monterey Chicken, starting off with the Triple Play for the starter. Owh how I love the mashed potato,sangat creamy dan mengemokan. Thanks for the treat dearest.Asyik nak makan best jer yer?

Hmpp..since it's been ages since I posted something with pictures, how bout a post with a bunch of gambar yang blur ala-ala romantic sebab gelap dan tak guna flash sbb my cell phone didn't come with a flash pictures for a change?

Yes,I love my fingers tho I wish I had longer fingers which reflect the utter image of keayuan.Wtf?(C***'s fingers are way longer.Jari cam pompuan, tsk tsk)


C*** di ambang kelaparan. Sure glad that I got myself an eating machine for a pacar. He makes it worth every penny. ^__^


He's slurping on his 1st glass of juice.We had orange + mango for our 2nd refill. C*** finally gave up after his 2nd glass while I went for my 3rd refill. I drink like a goldfish. Blup blup.



Initially,I wanted to capture our reflections on the window but somehow I got a wee bit self-centered and ended up with a reflection of myself jerr.he he. :P

Food? What food? The pic of the food izzit?

Ade ade, dalam perot.Nak tengok ke?(Err..ade lagi ke?) :P

Back to work.

♥of.Monday.&.me.♥

I have a gigantic Monday blues - well it's due to the hari hujan jadi mari lah kita bersama-sama tido sambil memeluk bantal busuk/ teddy bear/ ____ weather
& not because I had a shitty weekend,mind you.

Yes,I had a great weekend tho I only managed to bully C*** on Saturday since he hafta leave for Sarawak yesterday and he's off to KK by today - Sarawak? KK? Ini tidak adil! Tsk..lets not go there.

Well,will write more bout the Saturday later, am toooo busy now.

Later,okay?

p/s:Owh..Hiieeeee stalkers!!! *waves*

♥of.smile.&.me.♥

Me:*Standing next to his chair whilst looking at his monitor screen*
Colleague:"You're going back home already?"
Me:"Erm...nope,not yet - still have something to debug.Why?"
Colleague:"You have that smile plastered on your face"
Me:"Err...owh. The I'm going back home now smile?"
Colleague:"Hehe!Exactly."

So yea,apparently I have this distinct, one of a kind smile that resurfaces every time I'm about to turn off my work station and leave for the day.

Ghee..am I too obvious?

---

C***'s away for his work trip(again!)& I'm starting to miss him already, he left for Japan last Sunday and scheduled to be back by Friday & we'll be off for another good food hunt this weekend. I neeeeed a Lychee Paradise fix & a new Dior eyeliner & Laura Mercier Loose powder & a new backpack untuk balik kg.

*sighs*

How come? How come he gets to travel abroad twice within a month and I'm stuck here in this fridge cold mind numbing office - going no where? Sob.

What a geeky programmer to do.

*double sighs*

Must.work.hard.and.gain.more.moolah.to.travel.more.often. *chants*

Back to work.

p/s:The Bank is giving away extra moolah aka the Interim Bonus to everyone but me.(Padan muka sebab ade lagi 2 months before my confirmation) Owh nevermind!Dammit!

♥of.game.&.me.♥

Even tho I actually work for a bank, I don't actually look or feel like one coz I go to work each and everyday dengan berlenggang-lenggang secara relax whilst wearing my casual outfits & C*** used to give me the "Awak ni baru balik keje ke pegi jejalan?" remark. Yea, being a part of the geeky programmer team is a plus point for me, the freedom of buat lah ape-ape sesuka hati kau asalkan the program siap kot tak kau mampus, owkay?.

Isn't it lovely?

Anyway, the freedom aside. I've been meaning to write bout my colleagues that were severely infected by the lets buat-buat pekak and not pick up the blardy phone sebab kita memang pemalas diseases. I usually gonna ignore the ringing since most of my users gonna reach me on my mobile, but since a week back I've turned into the programmer cum receptionist cause I just couldn't stand the endless ringing whilst the guys merely acted like the ringing only existed in my head and by this week, my kerajinan dan kebaikan sejati melted away - yea,it's annoying to take off your earphone every 10 mins to answer the call when it's not even yours.

So how now brown cow?

Well, in the spirit of the 2008 Olympic,lets the game buat-buat pekak begins.

Cheers!

♥of.great.&.me.♥

I had a great weekend.

Craving for Oyster/Mussels - checked!♥
Managed to stuff myself at Manhattan Fish Market with C***. Was craving for oysters but sadly, they only serve deep friend oysters, so decided to go for the mussels with the garlic butter sauce instead. Nyum! & yea, the what's the name again? platter for two. It took us an hour to finish up everything.Owkay, C*** was the one in-charged of the finish up part since I was already half full by the time I'm done with the mussels and the french loaf that came along with the starter.

JuiceWork - Lychee Paradise - checked!♥
Not to forget my favorite dose of Lychee Paradise from JuiceWork, simply refreshing - but it was a wee bit bitter this time. Thank God I was in not in my complaining mood, else their staff gonna get a piece of my mind.

New tops - checked!♥
Yes,everything was on sale. I almost got myself blinded by the MEGA SALES signs but still managed to grab a bunch of cute tops anyway. Thanks to C*** for the patience - I tried on 6 tops whilst he waited outside.Whoops!

The Dark Knight - checked!♥
Finally managed to catch the movie. It's great. I love Christian Bale even more and yea the lunatic joker. :P

IKEA SALE - checked!♥
Got myself a bunch of pretty boxes from IKEA for my junks and a nice zig-zag hanger - the one that could actually hold 5 of my skirts at one time. I like! & owh a red shiny shredder for my hash-brown project. Owh sangat bersemangat.

Groceries shopping - checked!♥
I ended up stocking up on toothpaste and loads of fresh and dried mushrooms for my favorite vege soup. :D

End of the list. :P

Thanks,merci C*** for the nice black seluar tido bercorak gajah and the jade ring(tho it's a tad too big). Me ♥ you even more.

I'm off.

p/s: Can't wait for another trip of good food hunt. :D

♥of.not.to.&.me.♥

I hate, okie hate is a strong word. Well,when it comes to work, I prefer not to finish off or debug or enhance an application that's formerly solely belong to someone else. Programmers,like film directors have their very own way with the flow of the program/story, the programming, their very own style to actually instruct the machine to do something and when the style tend to be a wee bit peculiar or the application seems to steer into the owner dia sorang je paham sebab serabut sangat coding dia direction, it drives me nuts.

*sighs*

I'm not supposed to complaint,but heck I'm a human - I'm entitled to whine whenever I please, especially when my brain is starting to boil. I need to let off some steam. I need to stay sane for the upcoming projects,I need to stay motivated.

& I need to finish up this particular task in 2 blardy days.

Tsk, I think my nose is starting to bleed.

Help?

♥of.soft.spot.&.me.♥

C*** came back last night (^_^), looking exhausted and hungry,like really hungry - cause he messaged me at 9 p.m to ask me out for dinner. Since it was getting late and he needed a place with a free wifi so that I could help him with his card credit thingy, we settled for the nearest fattening fast food McD at Jalan Pahang which is like 5 mins from my place. The place was still kinda crowded when we got there, we went in and he headed straight to the counter for his food whilst I went for the perfect table hunt and I later discovered that the wifi was not available that night so instead of helping him to sort up his credit card thingy, I ended up watching him gobbled down his big mac while I munched on my nuggets.

Well, I must say that I have a soft spot for people yang makan dengan bersemangat, like watching them eating wholeheartedly actually make me feel content and full. ha ha. If I could only find someone like that every time I'm starving, then perhaps I won't have to eat that much so boleh la kurus sikit. Yerrrightt!Dream on. :P

Owh,on a lighter note, I still haven't watch The Dark Night, yea lame I know - especially when everyone is talking,commenting,praising it and a guy at work actually claimed that it's one of his all time favorite movies plus I loveeee Christian Bale. Tsk. So yea, I'll drag C*** to catch it this weekend & perhaps I could satisfy my craving for baked oyster with cheese.Yum!Owh if tak jumpa oyster pun,mussels will do.

---

Another news update.

A good friend of mine, Yusran otherwise known as Pacik(hehe!) just informed me that he gonna be off to Korea soon, as in within 2 weeks soon. He got accepted for a Korean Government sponsored program and he'll be there for 3 years. Wallawey!

Well,I'm happy for you bro. It seems like you are finally getting something that you truly wish for. If you are reading this, congratulation.You deserve it and I wish you well. Do let me know if we could actually meet up before your departure - it been ages since the last time we met eh? Like what? 2-3 years back? Mane tau if I could actually introduce C*** to you ke nanti? :P

Hmpp...back to the towering workload.

I'm off.

p/s: It seems like everybody is going abroad these days,leaving me behind. C***'s next. Sob.

♥of.touched.&.me.♥

Just got back from home yesterday.

I hope that I could stay longer, spend more time with my parents and indulge in the endless supply of seasonal fruits until my throat hoarse. I must say that I got all emotional when it's time to pack up my bag and head back to KL tho it's not like I'll be on the other side of the world or it gonna cost me an arm or leg to get back home, it's just the fact that once I head back to KL for work, mum won't be going out shopping or venturing into one of her favorite nurseries like she used to when we (me & my lil bro) were around since she is,like me - not the I don't mind going shopping all by myself type. She would rather stay home after work during the weekdays and only go for groceries shopping/outing/dinner during the weekend (& occasionally weekdays) with dad ever since my lil bro is away in campus for his LLB.

It sadden me to think of how lonely she feels without any of her kids around - tho we(me & my lil bro again) are not really the loud type,but we sure do keeps her busy with our antics when we're around.

It also sadden me to see that both of the huge fridges in the kitchen are half empty and her "Mummy tak beli dah groceries banyak-banyak,bukan ada sangat orang nak makan" remark touched me even more.

I so wanna be there for her when she feels like she needs another flower pot to replace the old one, to shop for another pair of shoes for work or simply someone that she could blabber at about work or something - but that's something my hectic working life doesn't permit so I make a promise to myself that I'll get back home whenever I can tho it means I have to nudge all the uninvited temptations or skip/ngelat a deployment or two.

*sighs*

Now I seriously wish that Doraemon's pintu suka hati really does exists.

p/s:C***, please get back soon before I die of...something.

♥of.paycheque.&.me.♥

It's been 5 days since I got my latest paycheque and I'm halfway done spending it.


o1.House rent + utilities = RM250

o2.C***'s monthly installment = RM200
Which I tried to ngelat from paying since he doesn't bother much about it but failed miserably sebab rasa tak sampai hati.

o3.PTPTipu = RM100
I'm supposed to pay RM80 tapi biar bayar lebih sikit,kot tak jenuh bayar bunga pulak.

o4.Lil bro's pocket money = RM100
Thinking of giving him more since he's away from home and saya sudah berduit sekarang but tanak kasi dia hidup secara lavish,biar rasa susah sket - tapi susah apenye duit, keta semua ayah dah kasi,cey.

o5.Parents monthly gift = RM200-400
Somehow I don't actually give my parents any money since I started working and it's not like they want/need it and my dad used to jokingly came up with "Kalau nak kasi,bagi banyak sikit,seratus dua tu duit rokok ayah pon tak lepas". So it's always been a dilemma for me to figure out what I should get them every month, it's hard to give something to someone who has everything,yer kecuali helicopter dan benda yang bukan-bukan yang Donald Trump je mampu beli. I mean all the basic and not so basic stuff lah,you get the drift. The same dilemma goes when getting a gift for the pacar.Gosh!

o6.Transportation = RM150
Did I tell you that saya seorang pengguna public transports yang berjaya sekarang?Yey me!More money for shopping and whatnot,yerrrright!(I miss my bloodsucking 4wd,sob!)

o7.Cellphone = RM100
I'm not using the line,the postpaid or whatsoever,I'm still using the tacky budak-budak je selalu guna prepaid,yes you got it right sister, the self-proclaimed well paid kuli programmer is still using the prepaid.Owh,gumbira.


Soooo...

putting all the listed amount aside, now I hafta survive on what's left of my paycheque on food(it's more than enough dough for this), necessities (assumed to be sufficient fund as long as I don't go crazy and get myself another body lotion that cost me as much as the transportation does.Owh yea,body lotion adelah necessity kalau tanak kulit anda kasar seperti kerbau especially if you work in a 'fridge'. ) & lo and behold, the SHOPPING spree - which I afraid, is not much. (read:Sekarang adelah musim mega sale, semua duit yang ada pon mmg takkan cukup bila hendak berboros).

*sighs*

I'm going to shop anyway.Who's gonna stop me?

Back to work.

♥of.the.way.I.am.&.me.♥




If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.


I actually found another owh it's sooo the right song for you C*** song. Note the 2nd line in bold, see darling - it was written with you(& the other guys who seems to have the same problem) in mind. He he. Fret not, you are good in hiding it these days and when the trick finally stop working, we'll figure something out,owkay?

Owh,happy weekend!

Someone is getting engaged tomorrow.Woowweee!

p/s:C***,I really hope you are not reading this(at least not within the near future), unless you are secretly stalking me :P

♥of.different.&.me.♥

Owh,I'm feeling all whiny again. Tsk tsk.

Well, update 1st,whine later.

Hmpp...

Saturday turned out to be great tho someone didn't get to bersuka ria at the water park during his company's family day. I'm so sorry dearest, but there were like thousands of people in there,the running, crying kids and whatnot. It defied the true meaning of bersuka ria plus it was hot,stuffy and we were getting a wee bit uncomfortable too.Boy, I was glad when mon petit ami decided that we should go shopping instead of drowning ourselves in the sea of people. So yea, I managed to get myself a new bunch of tops, 2 pair of cute sandals and he even got himself another pair of shoes - tho the one that we bought last week is yet to be touched. Yea, such an improvement. He's turning more and more like me, in the shopping department that is. Tehee..

Then the Sunday is a different story all together. I ended up with I don't know where we are supposed to go but I totally ran out of things to do at home and I'm blardy bored dilemma. Therefore, the ever so understanding but you are testing my patience C*** came to the rescue after Asar only to be irritated by me. We ended up in silence, sickening deathly silence - mostly because of me. Owh well, I do that sometimes.I cannot help it, like seriously.

So we went through few hours of saya sakit hati dan benggang tapi buat-buat okie moments and I assumed that he went home that night feeling absolutely bitter and I did absolutely nothing to ease it up. Yea, I'm stubborn just like that.

*sighs*

I don't understand myself sometimes. *shrugs*

Well,me heart you anyway :P

♥of.well.&.me.♥

Everything went well last nite. All good. What a relief, I swear I was starting to tremble at the thought of a miserable deployment - when I was having my Spicy Chix Wrap with C*** at the McD(there goes my diet).

Well,there's nothing much to ramble about the deployment, I don't wanna get all geeky technical over here but one thing for sure, I'm blessed. An easy, hassle-free deployment and a mithali C*** that's willing to wait for me whilst I was doing my job.Sangat terharu & sedikit guilty. He he. I thought he gonna wait for me whilst trying to catch some sleep in the car (cause he said he would) but when I'm done with my work at few minutes past 1 a.m, my darling C*** was waiting for me at the ground floor playing games on his cellphone. He must be bored outta his mind, so bertambah-tambah lah perasaan guilty saya itu. Bila tanya nak kena belanja ape to repay him. He came up with "You don't have to belanja lah sayang, I only need your trust and honesty". Aicey. Keluar dah ayat drama dia.

Anyway,anyhow C***, you've been good to me. Tres merci mon cher. :D

Nanti-nanti temankan lagi okie? :P

♥of.deployment.&.me.♥

I'm going to have my theoretically 2nd but practically 1st production deployment tomorrow night. I'll get to (hopefully) leave the office earlier than usual and get back to the office later that night at 11.30pm to witness my system comes to live. Hopefully everything gonna go well and I don't have to do much tuning, debugging and I won't be bugged by the annoyed, irritated, angry and whatnot bank users on the next morning - complaining about their access being blocked or whatsoever. Me no likey.

Well, since I'm transport-less now and totally dependent on the ever so wonderful public transportations. Calling a cab for my midnite task is not really an option. It's scary - not to say that the cab is not reliable but better be safe than sorry aight? So the concerned and mithali C*** decided that he should come over after work so that he'll be able to drive me to the office and later pick me up - when ideally he should be in bed dreaming away after a rough day at work & not waiting for me to finish up my deployment.(He lives 45 mins away,so I'm sorta guilty at the thought of making him going back and forth just because of my obligation).

So, it's going to be the lets bring the bf to work so that you'll be feeling all secure and safe night.

Me likey.

Hmpp..I'll make it up to you dearest. We'll hunt for more good food this weekend eh?. My treat. ;)

♥of.the.beach.&.me.♥

Well,I'm more or less over with the he's leaving me for a hella long time phase, now I'm more into the lets make use of the time left phase - so that's why he was forced was willing to drive for 90 minutes (and burn a hole in his pocket) so that I'll be able to kick off my shoes, soak my feet and play with weird looking crawly creatures (whilst he looked over me and held on to my shoes) while watching the sunset at the beach.

Besides the fun seaside activities(ayat macam dalam brochure hotel lak),we even had a dose of the cholesterol-laden seafood. Yummy! - well,the truth is, we were there for the food since I had a serious craving for squids and whatnot, not much for the seaside or the romantic sunset thingy but it's fun nevertheless, I felt like I'm 10 again. ha ha.

Dearest,you are like the sweetest. Do you know how I appreciate you for that? Of coz you don't. Tres merci :P Nanti pegi jalan-jalan lagi okies?

Back to work. ;)

♥of.ruined.&.me.♥

It's a perfect day, the cooling downfall, the romantic gloomy atmosphere, the hassle-free UAT deployment and whatnot.It's been great, until C*** told me that his 5 months training might be turned into 18 months instead. Greeeeeat!

So okie, my perfect day is ruined, like 89% ruined. All this while, I'm truly happy for his progress at work. I don't really mind about 5 months training and whatnot - but seriously, 18 months? It's more like being told that everything gonna be back to square one.

*sighs*

I would be lying if I tell him that I don't mind, because yea I do mind and it sucks. A part of me truly want him to go ahead with the training and later gain his scores at work. I do want him to do whatever it takes for his blooming career, but another half of me is like "You might be away for 18 blardy months? We'll be world apart and what the heck is going to happen to me, I'll ended up being totally bitter or worse find someone new, 18 months are THAT long.Anything can happen and I don't wanna risk it" - to cut it short, I am simply not happy.

Yes, I could be that paranoid and insecure. I cannot help it.

Yes, do add the selfishness too. I cannot help it either.

So how now brown cow?

p/s:Don't try to pull the "kalau jodoh tak kemana" crap on me. Not now. Not ever.

♥of.lucky.&.me.♥


Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday


Jason Mraz Feat Colbie Caillat - Lucky.

Lucky indeed.;)

p/s: What a way to start a great week!Wowee..

♥of.whiny.&.me.♥

Someone put a knife on my throat and threaten told me to update. So yea, I'm updating - for the sake of updating coz I have nothing much to whine, shout, ramble about. Thanks to the towering amount of work.

Well, it's only my 36th day here and I already worked on 3 different modules, how blardy fantastic is that? No, I'm not complaining. I like the programming thingy, it runs in the blood you see? Yea my blood that it and no matter how sickening it is, I'm sticking to it for now - unless someone's willing to spare me the trouble and pays for everything (the **k Ptptn debts included) whilst I'm sitting around looking pretty.

On the 2nd thought, I do have loads to whine about and it's somehow related to the ever so mithali C***. Yea he hasn't caused me too much trouble so far(except for the occasional makan hati which he's surely not aware of),he's been a great petit ami when it comes to how to deal with the utterly lorat me.He's been a great help. I'm thankful really, it's just that his ignorance bites and unquestionably annoying.

*sighs*

Perhaps it's just me, the overly sensitive tak tentu pasal me. I have this humongous issue with ignorance you see? I can't stand people who claimed to care about me but at the same time act like I don't fucking exist. Like HELLO, it excruciating(how dramatic) enough to just be able to see/bully each other mostly during the weekend (coz we're still miles apart tho not world apart anymore) and now you gonna start to wait for the weekend before checking on me to see whether I'm still alive or dead? Great. So yea, it's annoying with a capital A, as simple as that.

So much of terasa amat disayangi.Ceh.

p/s:The emotional junkie.Tsk.

♥of.choosing.&.me.♥

We were having lunch yesterday when one of the guys casually came up with a scenario

You are into 2 guys, namely A and B, A likes you but he sorta jual mahal aka playing hard to get and B is the I'll do everything and swim the deepest ocean for you kind.BUT all in all, you love A more.

He then asked me about who will I choose.

I simply gave him the "The key to success, always go for someone who loves you more,B it is but then again it depends on the age, if I have the time for the chase, yea perhaps I'll go for the A guy.".

"So you would just drop the 1st guy and go for someone who loves you more, aren't you lying to yourself?" he added.

Then yea, it got me thinking. Being the practical and realistic me, I would surely jump into the I'm feeling so secure coz he loves me wagon with the B guy - perhaps it's my 23++ years old brain talking,it might as well be vice versa if I'm 18, but the thing is - I'm never keen on the lets try it out and see how far we gonna go thingy. I detest uncertainties, it triggers my sickening paranoia.

But come to think of it, perhaps I'm not that realistic of a person that I think I am. After all, I did go for someone that I like (which I happened to meet in such a peculiar way since we were thousands miles apart back then) - I just got myself lucky cause he somehow (tricked) into liking me and later he was convinced enough to make the 1st move - which according to him took a humongous amount of guts since he's not used to the 1st move ritual crap (read:The gurls in his previous relationships/flings were the one responsible for it, not him.).ha ha.

Yea,it's been 5 years since the 1st hello and 2++ years since our 1st I'm showering you with the corniest words on earth so please don't puke session. There's still a long way to go,lets hope for the best,shall we?

p/s: Yes, I was 19 when we 1st met, perhaps that's why I was not being realistic. :P