of.adapting.&.me.

You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire
Yeah, I'll let you set the pace
'Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?


ELLIE GOULDING  - Love me like you do.


So yea, what are you waiting for? :P

Anyway, I'm having this playing in a loop in my head these days - finally done with my Ed Sheeran phase.

Life is pretty hectic now. What with the requirement studies for the new enhancement. The infra-upgrade. The stroller dilemma (yea, still deliberating. Fickle-minded much?). The accommodation hunt for our upcoming family getaway and I'm yet to work on the itinerary.

The anticipation for the much awaited *cough* bonus *cough* because I have the need to splurge on something.

I'm a changed person you know? I think that at some point in the recent years, I've stopped being the crazy bag-lady. I've stop ogling over designer bags - okay, I lied, I still like looking at them, but not as much as I did previously.

Sure I still grabbed one or two along the way, but nothing too fancy, you know, none of the almost-habis-gaji-sebulan thing anymore, the last time was during the first few years that I just started working (kot?).  I'm absolutely calmer now, I don't salivate (over those bags) as much too. he he.

On a lighter note, last Monday was the 1st day for the wee one at the daycare. How he's doing? Well, probably better than Myra during her first day in playschool.  Myra was 3 y/o when we started sending her off to school, Shariq just turned one, the younger you send them in, the better they adapt, I guess. It also helps that Myra is around to 'look' after her baby brother. Ada tukang report bila balik rumah. he he.

Back to his first day. He obviously cried a little. Refused his usual dose of milk - he survived on 2 bottles of milk (out of 5) and 3 portions of porridge. He ate a lot. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry - but as long as he's not starving, then I guess that I shouldn't fret much tho I'd direct feed him as much as possible at home (at one point he just refused to open his mouth altogether. he he).

On another lighter note, since he's not taking much EBM at the daycare, I've been able to stock up on my milk stash.  Every cloud has a silver lining, yes?

Moving on, the in-laws (including MIL) will be off for umrah today. Semoga selamat pergi and balik. :)

of.nagging feeling.&.me.

I want to rant about this nagging feeling in my guts about sending the wee one to daycare.

Yea, a change in routine for him, for us starting next week.

I don't fret much about mine, but I'm pretty worried about what it gonna do to the little one, what with his baby-koala phase and everything.

I hope he won't fuss much. I hope he'll be an easy baby for the nanny. I hope that he'll finish up his EBM and food. I hope that he won't have any trouble sleeping at the daycare, he doesn't sleep much during the day nowadays.

I hope that they don't find him too spoilt or troublesome to be taken care of.

I don't know what to expect.

This is my 2nd baby but I'm still fretting like a first-timer.

*sighs*

How la?

of.little genius.&.me.

Yesterday was more or less like any other day, I got home from work, trapped in the usual traffic for a bit - I changed my mind - a lot, since I was pretty late to pick up Myra from school.

Talked to the teacher for a bit. She commented on how good Myra is doing in school, a direct quote would be

"each time ajar the group, she would be the first one to remember everything"

The teacher even asked whether I'm teaching her at home which I replied with a quick " no".

Honestly, I'm pleased - I am after all, easy to please. What a music to this exhausted mother's ears. he he.

I have to admit that we never really bother to press her when it comes to educational stuff, whatever she's been absorbing for the past few years, has been done rather casually - when she comes to us asking about stuff, then we'd teach her.

When she asked for crayons or pencil to color and write, then we'll let her. Sure we'd show her how to do it and stuff, but we're never stern about it. Nak buat, buat, tamau buat, ok dah, pegi main lompat-lompat.

Sometimes we'd point out the headlines printed on the cover of a news paper or a magazine and ask her to spell it out, but that's just for fun.

Sometimes we'll recite all those short surahs together in the car whilst driving to school, tho most of the time it's me reciting whilst she's listening. :P

Sometimes we'd play the alphabet games together on the tablet, but that's about it.

It's not like I'd spend a solid hour everyday teaching her the alphabet, numbers, nursery rhymes, iqra and whatnot.

Even when I feel like teaching her something, sometimes she'll run off after 5 minutes, so yea, that's as much as 'home schooling' that she ever gets. :P

She'll be 4 next month but we don't see the need to burden her with home works yet. I am the typical Asian mother, but probably without the added kiasu-ness - well, fine, I am a wee bit kiasu but not so much.

I don't want her to start off on the wrong track, I don't want her to think that when it comes to educational stuff, it's such a bore. I want her to learn and have fun whilst she's at it.

I'm not writing this to gloat. I'm writing this so that when she's big enough to stalk me on my blog, I want her to know that she's my little genius and I'm proud of her - despite all the meltdowns and drama. he he.

I love you darling, to the moon and back. *peluk ketat-ketat*

of.time to double.&.me.

Nope, not talking about doubling up the number of kids, I'm not that crazy yet. I need another year, or two or three. :P

Anyway,we're in the midst of planning our 1st trip as a family of four.

Honestly, our last quick getaway was months ago - and it's only a few hours drive away - and it's starting to irk me when I'm not traveling. Like seriously, what on earth is stopping us? Money? Work? Kerja sampai mati pon tak abis.

Anak kecik? Susah travel? Yeah, that sounds more like us :P

I mean, I'm not much of a globe hunter pon, but I'd like to make it a routine for us to go on our own getaways every now and then, be it near or far.

We didn't go places last year, I was heavily pregnant during the 1st quarter and later, it goes without saying that we decided not to travel with a newborn.

Shariq gonna turn one this month and once he's done with his vaccinations ( MMR & last dose of pneumococcal), mari lah travel.

So yea, during our last trip to Beijing, Myra was almost 2 y/o. We dragged along our trusted Peg Perego stroller and Boba SSC (which has been ever so useful, I climbed the Great Wall with a toddler sleeping on my back).

Now that we have two babies (albeit one is a real baby and the other one is more like a cry baby), I'm thinking of getting my hands on a double stroller. A stadium seating is a must (there's no way around it) and if possible a light umbrella fold.

I'm not crazy about bulky, super expensive strollers, no matter how attractive they look.

I'm practical and a cheapskate just like that. I mean, even with our current stroller pon mak mengah nak fold and unfold (exaggerate sikit), what if it's a huge bulky double stroller. I might as well, sit in a corner and cry - or maybe not. :P

Okay, drama much? - but ya, that's the point.

Did I tell ya I'm not really into super expensive strollers? Like 2k is my limit, anything over that is bleh, it's just a freaking stroller, tapi if I could get my hands on an el-cheapo (but reliable) one, lagi mak gumbira.

I only have 3 strollers in my KIV list, a Miniwalker double stroller (or now known as Merricart from our jiran Spore), Kinderwagon double stroller (from US tapi sebijik macam Miniwalker/Merricart jugak, tak tau who copied who,I think the former. he he) and Cosatto Shuffle All Star stroller.

All of these are within my budget and whilst I was browsing around, I just found out that 2 (the Kinderwagon & Cosatto) of em are being sold way cheaper in our destination country, like here, I want that, take my money already.

T__________________T

Now I'm counting on the possibility of C*** going there for a quick work trip - so that he'd be able to hunt for the stroller before our travel date which equals to penjimatan berganda (RM500 is good money to me, mak bleh beli Fitflop sepasang), else I hafta settle with the the marked up Malaysian price.

Owh, Miniwalker is just around RM1200, cheaper compared to the former two - Malaysian price that is.

Hmpp...

so how now brown cow?

of.arrangement.&.me.

MIL will be away for umrah soon, most likely around the same time like she did last year, in March - which is sometime this month.

I've called the principal of Myra's playschool, asked if it's possible to have a temporary slot for the wee one for a month. She said yes!

 Alhamdulillah. .

Else God knows the kind of misery that I'll be in. At least I don't have to fret about going to two different places to drop off the kids. Having the kids at the same place, I'd be comforted by the thought that the wee one is not alone in a new place, at least Myra is around (& she's awesome with her kid brother so boleh la tolong pujuk adik, kalau mood dia baik that is) - tho they are obviously gonna be placed within their respective age group.

Nothing is more comforting than a familiar face when you're stranded somewhere unfamiliar. Yes?

More so now that Shariq is in his baby-koala phase, he just doesn't warm up to stranger as quick as he did previously.

So yea, now that we've secured a place for Shariq, I just got myself a new cooler bag (a fridge-to-go which is awesome) for his EBM. Need to get a new set of iron-on labels for his clothes and probably a bunch of customized labels for his bottles and stuff (check out Fun Printz, they are pretty alright, a local alternative to Bright Star Kids/ Tinyme labels).

Myra started going to playschool when she's 3, so I didn't have the go through all the hassle of preparing EBM and solid food for day care.

So yea, all us of hafta learn something new everyday eh?

Anyway, we're not sure of what the arrangement gonna be like post-umrah. Whether MIL still gonna stay with us or she's going back home and Shariq gonna be sent to day care permanently.

Shariq gonna turn one this month, sending him off to day care at that age, wouldn't be that bad.

Kot?

Allahumma yassir wa laa tu`asir 

of.another randomness.&.me.

How does one measure love?

I have no idea.

When a husband gave in to your you-are-over-your-head idea. It's a sign of love kah?

It surely sounds like love to me. :P

Will ramble about that later.

Two of the cousins are getting married this year - which is awesome.

MIL is going for another umrah this year, about the same time as last year, probably just a wee bit later - I have to make some arrangement for Shariq's daycare.

I need a new Fitflop. Decided that my 9th pair should be a Skinny croc in Bronze, a simple one for the win - too bad that the last time that I went to Bratpack, they didn't have it in my size.

I need a new wallet. I hope there's something extra in March's paycheque *cough* bonus *cough* to accommodate this need.

I'm currently scouting for party pack ideas for Myra's 4th birthday - playschool edition, 35 kids altogether, which includes the kindy, play school and day care. Kalau her group, baru 8 orang. :P
I'm thinking of toxic-free crayons( gonna buy them in bulks) and probably some air kotak/choc milk, Oreos, small bars of milk choc (maybe? A wee bit of chocolate wouldn't hurt. Kot? My Myra loves dark choc, but I don't think other kids would appreciate that), little box of raisins, Twiggies (maybe? Keji tak bagi cake/roti? ha ha.) and the sort,but nope, no jajan.

I hate to admit that I've..hmppp..thrown away some of the stuff in the party packs that Myra brought back home - almost weekly. I mean, some of those looks soo...inedible. Eg. Colorful jelly/candy made in China - especially those with all-wrritten-in-Chinese packaging.

I don't know bout you but I have a thing about food made in China. Rasa sungguh, unsafe, but I'm anal just like that.

I feel bad - the thought of the money spent on those jajan, but I'd feel worse if I were to feed those to my kid.

I'm not much of a kiasu mummy, I have my kiasu moments for sure, but what I deem unfit for my kids, the same goes to others. Takkan nak kumpul pehtu bagi kat anak orang lain pulak?

Moving on.

We found a place to satisfy our craze for mee tarik. The noodles are awesome, so is the cumin lamb chop. My ultimate favourite. If I couldn't be bothered of what those fatty juicy lamb gonna do to my arteries, I'd go there weekly. :P

Anyway, we went back up North last week, C*** had to work in Penang on Friday, so we tagged along. After 2 long weeks, baru lah dapat jumpa the little nephew (Hello Muhammad Adam Rayyan!). He's so small and smells owh-so-heavenly. I'm yet to get him anything big - except for a set of cute bandana bibs.

Haih. I love newborn, they are so easy to please, bagi susu, tukar diaper, tido, settle - everything is dandy, except for the bangun-200-kali-malam-malam-for-milk that is.

Dah anak dua, boleh la cakap. :P

Don't mind me whilst I gloat in my mak-anak-dua glory.

Back to work then. Tata.

of. SM 10 months.&.me.

Shariq is teething these days,as he's been drooling pretty excessively in the past few days. Not much into food but finish up his milk like a champ. 3 little gigi to-date (2 more on the way). Right upper central incisor and both of his lower central incisor. Budak kecik tiga gigi.

He's a pretty easy baby that boy. Good appetite (except when he's teething) and no more bottle-rejection issues - which is such a huge relief. It's heart breaking knowing that your baby is having a hard time during milk time whilst you're at work.

Talk about milk.

------MY RAMBLING ABOUT BF STARTS HERE----

He's still a breastfeed baby. 10 months of nursing is not easy tho it's pretty easy compared to those that I hafta endure with Myra - physically and emotionally.

I still get the usual 

"Anak dia semangat betul, sekali minum susu 5oz, minum susu ____(insert expensive brand name here) sehat la dia".

True story. In fact, someone told me that only yesterday - as if telling me that I'm inadequate, as if I'm not taking care of my baby properly, sebab tak bagi susu mahal.

Yea thanks, the last time I checked, people did mention something about mom's milk = liquid gold. Tak pernah pulak orang cakap susu lembu tu liquid gold. ha ha.

Okay, that's me being defensive. Those people still irks me sometimes. I'm still human after all tho I still have nothing against FM mommies - in fact Myra pon on FM once she stopped nursing when she was a year and a half.

Everyone craves for the best for their kids. It's just those FM-obsessed people that I detest, especially some of those brain-washed makciks who thinks that you're not feeding your kids enough if you're not on FM, but let's not go there.

Everyone has their own battles, this is mine. To put it frankly, I couldn't be bothered bout what others think about BF. If they think that it's great, then yey us. If they think that it's too troublesome yada yada, then fine. I don't preach. I don't judge. It's not my place to judge, like ever.

I'll just do whatever that I can do, as long as Allah permits, as simple as that.

Back to BF, the pumping, storing, cleansing and whatnot adelah nothing tortures - but it requires a heart of steel dan kerajinan - that I hope won't vanish anytime soon. he he.

The baby could easily finish up 20 to 24 oz of EBM (4oz/bottle) whilst I'm at work - which might be normal for some, but for an average milk-mom like me, adelah menangis.

Shariq's daily dose are mostly chilled EBM from the day before tho sometimes selit-selit jugak the frozen EBM - just to regulate the stock or when I couldn't pump enough.

I'm currently not pumping enough on most days *cries* - not pumping enough in my definition adelah I can't provide enough chilled EBM for him the next day dan terpaksa topup with the frozen ones - most time a bottle (5oz), on a bad day, two.

The only time for me to replace those frozen stock is on Friday and weekend. My current frozen EBM adelah around 250oz - dangerously low, considering that I'd keep twice as much previously, only 2 out of the 4 drawers of my upright freezer are filled with em now. I hope that I'll sustain whilst trying to increase my productivity (this sounds so wrong. Owh well) - I need to replace at least 30oz weekly. How laaaa? Okay lah, TMI already.

--------END OF BF RAMBLING -------

Moving on.

He's currently on his I-am-a-baby-koala phase. Yup, whenever I'm around he'd follow me around like a shadow. When he's not in my arms, you'd certainly find him at my heels, demanding to be picked up. Yeah, whilst I love to feel needed, it gets pretty tricky sometimes, especially when you're trying to have some me-time in the shower or when you're about to wash your hair, you'll hear a little knocks on the door. Yup, he already learned how to knock on doors.

T___T

Well, he can actually stand unsupported these days, counting days before he'll be able to walk! I cannot wait, on a second thought, I don't mind waiting for a bit. Now that he crawls all over the house, childproofing gets pretty hard. We even had to 'hide' some of Myra's toys as some of em can be chocking hazards - which annoys the big sister a little. he he.


 Mata mana, mata?

Haih, I love him so much, that boy.

of.eventful long weekend.&.me.

I had one of the most eventful long weekend.

Went back home up North to spend the days off with moi family. The traffic was pretty kind, we even had a quick pit-stop in Ipoh for Nasi Ganja (dad's favourite and now the other half's). Did nothing much but stuffed myself silly, hang out with my mum, laze around doing nothing but I managed to stock up bottles of EBM whilst I'm at it. Multitasking at its best.

It was hot and humid on most days, so we were at home most of the time except for a bunch of a quick drive here and there (to hunt for, ermm..food).

Dad is doing fine. Now that he's still recuperating tho I think it gonna take sometime more for him to get back to his old self, if ever - as he's still not talking much and for a such a loud person as he is, it's pretty odd. It has been more than 7 months since the last time I heard him talked (tho I have a video of him talking, accidentally recorded during one of those video calls, it's painful to watch) and thinking about it is pretty overwhelming sometimes.

Well, you never know what you're missing until it's gone eh?

The kids had fun as usual. Myra loves the attention, as usual. Shariq was stuck to me like a baby koala, as usual.

We got back home on Monday as C*** hafta work on Tuesday. Yup, no public holiday for him, so it was just me and the kids on Tuesday. It was mind boggling having to juggle between a 10 mth old and a 3 y/o - especially when the 10 mth old think that crawling into the bathroom whilst I'm trying to take a leak is funny.

T_____T

I don't think that I wanna be a SAHM anymore. ha ha.

Anyway, amidst the chaos, I managed to cook for the kids. Fried rice and fruity oatmeal for breakfast. Fish soup with vege and rice for Myra's lunch and whatever-food-puree-I-could-find-in-the-freezer for the baby.

Me? I had their leftovers and probably a quarter loaf of an awesome butter cake - got it from my fav bakery back home, always love their arrays of breads and when I saw their butter cake, I shamelessly asked  

"Sorry tanya dik, ni cake butter ke, cake majerin?"

No offense and thankfully, none taken. I'm anal just like that, I don't do fake butter cake. Alang-alang nak gemuk, biar lah dengan rasa yang sebenar. :P

Made dinner at 4pm whilst the kids were asleep, so yea, I ain't too shabby right? (Please don't mind me.)

So yea, we have a wedding to attend on Saturday and we're due for a visit to an aunt's place, I just need to get a cake. I promised her a cake - but a cake from my fav baker is impossibrruu, unless I don't mind waiting for the next 2-3 months or something.

I ordered a box of mini choc pavlova from her for Myra's birthday in April like 2 weeks ago, yup, almost 4 months in advance. Kegilaan apekah ini? That's just the pavlova, I'm yet to find the cake, I don't think the kids gonna fancy a Cherry Matcha cake, that's more like something that I'd like to have for my birthday instead.

Well, later.

of.prepared.&.me.

I've been meaning to update on the kids' milestones this week, but I've been busy working on the Thai's project FSD and whatnot.

Whilst I was going through the office mail this morning, got a call from the boss and when his opening line sounded like this

"I don't know whether this is a good or a bad news.."

I know whatever news that I'm about to hear won't be pretty.

So yea, another bump on the Thai's project, it seems like it's going to be postponed yet again, this time, well into 2016.

Honestly, I'm quite pissed off.

Simply because I've put so much efforts into it and it's annoying to stop half way. I just wanna get it over it.

Like seriously, I've put my mind into it ever since the boss told me that traveling is inevitable for me this time around.

Nope, not because I'm looking forward to all the traveling - yes, I want to travel far this year, but traveling for work is not really what I have in mind - but in all honesty, I've been preparing myself mentally for the work and travel.

I've been telling myself not to fret much about the kids, especially the wee one who's still a BF baby (don't let me start about BF whilst traveling). I've been telling myself that I'll lug the entire family with me, so that I won't be alone and worried in a foreign city.

Ya know, I've been telling myself a whole lots of thing.

So when you finally got a good grip of yourself, datang pulak this dreaded news, I don't know whether I should be sad or happy. *shrugs*

Some might go, "Kecoh jer lebih, pegi siam jer pon?" .

May I remind you that it's not the distance which bugs the hell outta me, but the thought of leaving the kids behind and even if I were to drag the entire household along with me, C*** hafta take some time off from work (the trip is 5-days long, times 2), MIL hafta come along too etc.

Nampak domino effect di situ?

It's not as easy as " Okay, I'm off now, see you in 5 days!".

Like it doesn't feel right to leave them under the care of the other half and the MIL whilst I'm working thousands miles away. Sure, nothing is wrong with that, nobody bats an eye when the husband is away for work (or not), why should it be any different when it comes to me kan?

True, but it just doesn't feel right to me. It doesn't feel right to let them shoulder those tasks that are initially mine, like preparing food for the kids, especially the baby and let's not talk about EBM, my other half know pretty much nothing (something that I'm not proud of, now that we're parents of two) and MIL only knows how to warm up the EBM that I've prepared. So yeah, it doesn't feel right to put them through all the hassle so that I'd get to travel for work.

I feel guilty enough having MIL at our place to take care of the baby whilst we're at work, ni nak tinggal for a few days lagi lah...pffff..

My sick sick conscience.

Ha ha. How's that for a mom's dilemma?

I'm not judging those jet-setter mommies who doesn't seem to have any issue traveling the world, I probably wouldn't make a big fuss out of this someday, especially when my kids are older.

Who knows?

To each, their own yes?

So yea, let's not complicate things any further, as for now, I'd just move on and be happy. :P

Enough of my rambling. Happy (long) weekend!

of.hectic weekend.&.me.

Shariq turned 10 month old yesterday and truthfully, I was sorta preoccupied with the house chores and groceries shopping that I actually forgot this particular leap of age.

Well, after working on the endless house chores, baru perasan that I'm running out of food for Shariq (whilst I was sorting the EBM in the freezer) and  since I had to stock up on the groceries, I dragged the entire house out for a quick groceries shopping yesterday - the kids, MIL and me - as C***'s away on a quick trip to Japan.

On a side note, Myra has been wanting to go out since Saturday - now that she sorta got a grip on the concept of weekend and weekdays, she woke up on Saturday and  went  

"Mummy, today Saturday kan? Saturday kita pegi shopping, jalan-jalan".

"Tapi daddy work." said I.

"Mummy la drive car bawak Myra jalan-jalan jer okay? Drive car mummy jer, tak payah kereta big"

T___T

Yup, that's absolutely my kid alright. he he.

I had Shariq strapped onto my chest whilst Myra sat on the shopping cart during our short little outing, I have absolutely no problem shopping with the kids, but I wish that C*** was around to carry the groceries when we got home. I never really have to bother bout it when he's around, so when he's not, semput sat. Talks about taking someone for granted eh? :P

Fast forward, C*** got back home at 9PM. The kids missed him like crazy, I do to - padahal he was away for 3 days je pon. Probably because he was away during the weekend (and weekend is our family time), instead of the weekdays.

On work days, I'll be busy at work and when I'm home I have the kids to handle, there's ain't much time left to wallow in sadness, loneliness or anything - tho it's not like I'm home alone, but having him around is different. Yea, I'm clingy like that. ha ha.

I'm so going to bury my head in the sand if C*** ever read this.

So yea, he brought back a few months worth of Lush stuff for me which is awesome (and they are cheap compared to our neighboring country *cough* Singapore *cough*) and I better use em before they go bad - being fresh and all, some of the items' shelf life are pretty short. The more reason to start taking care of moi skin, I am, after all adelah 30. Sob. Sedar diri much?



He also got me packs of Matcha chocolates, a new LE tumbler and hmpp..nothing for the kids.Takpe lah, the kids wouldn't know the different pon kalau beli barang diorang kat jusco. They are a wee bit too small to appreciate the different. Budak-budak tak dapat souvenir tak kisah pon, tapi kalau mak dia yang tak dapat apa-apa, _____ sila isi tempat kosong. :P

Well, that's about it. Hafta catch up on the kids' milestones later. Ta ta.

of.production deployment.&.me.

Last week was pretty hectic. The entire week of work was about the upcoming deployment. Had various code change before finally settling down for the final version - the last one was on Friday, hours before the production deployment itself.

So yea, had a scheduled system upgrade deployment otherwise known as the dreaded graveyard shift. C***'s my loyal, awesome companion - as usual. He just got back from JB on Friday, and few hours later, he had to drive me to work. If I were to be honest, I felt guilty as hell, knowing that he's pretty worn out after the long drive home, lepas tu ade pulak orang tu kena keja malam kannn? The timing couldn't have been 'better'.

We were like 10 minutes late (the deployment started at midnight and they started off without me, I am after all, only needed for the verification and troubleshooting) - because I dozed off whilst nursing the baby - terjaga dah pukul 11.30PM. Great.

I got out of the room, thinking that C***'s probably asleep too (hence the reason why he didn't wake me up), but....found him in the front hall, tengah main game instead. I is mad. ha ha.

Dah la orang tu baik hati nak tolong temankan keja tengah malam, tapi kena marah pulak, like why didn't you wake me??

"I'm about to wake you up, tunggu 11.30PM" he replied.

Righhhttt.

On second thought, it's obviously my fault, sendiri nak pegi keja, saper suruh tido. ha ha.

Yea, ampun. I was damn sleepy and wasn't thinking straight. 

T___T

Honestly, I'm just too old for this.

So yea, we went to work, well, I went to work whilst taking C*** along with me. Told him that everything gonna be done in an hour, 2 hours max - but it turned out to be 3 hours. We had to sort out some coding issues.

Grrrr...

I.HATE.CLEANING.UP.AFTER.OTHER.PEOPLE'S.MESS.

*sighs*

Got back home half an hour after 3AM. Shariq was awake and MIL was about to heat up a bottle for him, so fed him myself and we were off to la la land not long after.

Haih. I'm sorry for the trouble C***, what would I do without you?

Tho you know, I hate to sound like a damsel in distress. It's not like I'm not used to driving myself to work at night before, but it had been like what? More than 5 years since the last time - somehow, sometime within that span of time, saya dah jadi penakot. :P

It's a scary world we're living in these days, I wouldn't blame me.

After all, that's what the other half is for, to keep me safe (& deliriously happy.) Yes?

of.first weekend.&.me.

So how's my first weekend of the year went? It was a pretty relaxing weekend. We went out for breakfast on Saturday. Had a wee bit of shopping spree right after that. Someone *cough* just got *cough* his bonus. :P

Bought a bunch of cute shirts for yours truly and Myra - but couldn't find anything interesting for the little one.

We came back home, had lunch and C*** got into one of his rare spring-cleaning mood but here's the catch, he decided that he gonna help ME to throw out some of MY stuff that I've been hoarding since forever.

T___T

Like yea, thanks hon. I probably needed that.

He unearth a huge trolly bag - which probably hasn't seen the sunlight for millions of years, okay, not millions, but 5 years are just as long. The funny thing is, some of the clothes in the bag are new. Without tags but new - and I went "I didn't even know that I have this!". I probably just packed em all up without much thinking (when I moved out of my rented place) and somehow forgotten all about em - which shows how unnecessary those clothes are, kalau necessary, dah lama lah unpack the bag. 

I even found one of my favourite denim skirt and luckily, it still fits. Chucked most of em into our 'donation' bag (which will be sorted again later) - except those items that will be used at home as you know, baju rumah - after 5 years, surely there's no more outing-worthy clothes in there. Mostly dah outdated in style and err..size. :P

The whole spring cleaning thing was pretty easy on me this time, I didn't even get all mopey about it. After all, something hafta be done with the under-utilized clothes kan? I've been procrastinating for way too long. What's new with that?

Moving on, the next day, we went out to restock on the groceries. C*** even got a new gadget for the kitchen. Someone is mighty pleased with his purchase, making coffee is just a button-press away.

Well, the kids are down with mild flu - so much so that Shariq woke up pretty grumpy this morning (sometime before 6AM) and after countless of fruitless attempts to put him down to sleep again, I gave up and let him melepek on my chest, on which he eventually nodded off, then baru lah transfer to his cot and he slept for an hour and a half more. Myra on the other hand, is pretty much her usual self, despite the snot and all that.

Well, whilst dropping Myra off at school today, there's a parent trying to cajole her screaming little girl to get into the school building. The little one was kicking and screaming whilst holding tight to the front gate, much to her mother's embarrassment - she gave me the knowing smile when I got nearer. Tempted to say something, a word of comfort perhaps? I was there in her shoes exactly a year ago but I didn't.

As my little one waved me goodbye (happily *roll eyes*), I couldn't help but feel a wee bit proud along with a tinge of sadness. Proud of how much she's grown tapi sedih knowing that she's not as attached to me as she was before, sure she'd come to me every morning for a hug or showers me with "Myra sayang mummy banyak-banyak". Not like I detest her being independent and all that (that's a part of growing, I know), it just feel like she's needing me less these days, so much so that she actually sleeps with her nenek at night these days. Sob. *clingy mum alert*

Haih lah anak, I do want you to grow, but please darling, not too fast, boleh?

of.1018.&.me.

This is my 1018th post.

Like yea, what in the world could I have possibly written the previous 1017 posts about? Tho the number is not something unusual or spectacular in any way - as this rambling space of mine started off ages ago, way back in 2003. So obviously,my posts varies - from student life, families, relationships and romance (or the lack of it), my daily rant as an IT slave, my transition from a bridezilla to C***'s other half, soon after as a mom-to-be, later - as a frantic mom of one and now, two.

Honestly, it's amazing to see how far I've come and grown (emotionally and ehem, physically). It feels like years before I started to write bout the kids' milestones, I'm actually writing mine.

Since today is the last day of 2014, let's wrap it all up.

Personally, I have my own ups and downs this year. The end of a year-long project at work. Myra's going-to-school drama (& dilemma on my side). The birth of our son. Mom's retirement. My 2nd confinement. My little brother's wedding.

Dad had a stroke (which has easily been one of the most terrifying days in my life) - but on the bright side, it brought us closer as a family. It made a very reliable and responsible man out of my baby brother - and now that he's going to be a father himself, the timing couldn't have been better - every cloud has a silver lining, that much is true.

My constant battle with trust, is something that I still have to work on.

Some bridges burned tho I'm yet to find out why. Sadly, it just did and we're just too in-denial to admit. Thanks to our Malay root, you know how our people would refrain from doing or saying anything, thinking that we are just being polite so we'd usually prefer to wait things out whilst to someone on the other side, it seems like we just don't care.

Someone close to you is in distress, you'd go "I have nothing to offer and I'm afraid of saying anything out of key, so I'd just wait until she/he feels better" the next thing you know, days, months and years have passed and everything is forgotten, including the relationship.

I do hope to make amends. I just have to figure out how.

I am, however, eternally grateful for everything. For the comfort, love and the stability that Allah has given me. I'm hoping, praying for a better year.

Let's hope for the best.

of.weekend.&.me.

We went to a wedding yesterday, a good one I hafta admit - due to its kids friendly location. A well air-conditioned, brightly-lit, huge, nicely decorated hall.

I don't even know the bride or the groom, supposed to be a daughter of someone from C***'s side of the family, but he had no idea who it's either. So yeah, we were there because MIL took us there - tho we did see a bunch of familiar faces.

The food was okay, tho I detest those makciks who were in charge of serving the lauks onto our plates - coz ya know, I didn't get to choose what I wanted. Like, I don't do nasi minyak kuah dalca banjir (even after I told the makcik, tanak kuah tetap la penuh kuah sepinggan ) or chicken breast, especially when I'm at a wedding, most often than not, those parts gonna end up tasting like rubber, hard and dry - but under the scrutinizing eyes of those makciks, I couldn't simply go

"Makcik, saya tanak yang banyak-banyak isi nanti keras, nak drumstick plis? Kuah pon tanak banyak-banyak sikit jer each, saya tak makan acar jeruk jugak. Makcik, saya tamau buah orange letak atas nasi." 

Kena lempang pulak kang. 

Yea, I'm fussy just like that, but it's better to choose something that I'd absolutely eat than having a plate piled up high, tapi ended up tak habis. Negating the whole idea of portion control = tak membazir + enough food for everyone.

Honestly, I totally get the idea of placing those makciks at the buffet table to do the appropriate portion control, but they just irk me sometimes. After all, a kenduri is 'jamu orang makan' (as my dad would put it) so what's up with the rigid control? Kot suka dia la nak makan/pilih apa pon.

Owh well?

Lain padang, lain belalang.

Had a lil detour after the wedding and managed to get myself a little something from Habib Jewel, something to be stacked against my (replacement) wedding ring (I lost my real wedding ring, remember?) since it's a pretty loose fit now. I'm not big on resizing, so getting a ring one size smaller than the current one is the solution to 'lock' the ring into place. Some of the retired rings and charms from Pandora are on sale too, but nothing tickles my fancy and the one that I want is yet to make its way to Malaysia, should probably start looking for it online.

We got back home, put the babies down to sleep as they were starting to get pretty cranky and off we went out for our lil rendezvous - a short one I hafta add. We managed to get back home in a wee bit more than an hour.

Oh yea, C*** finally got me a new iron, to replace the old temperamental one. I made him got me one those fancy Tefal turbo steam, super glide whatever not irons. I'm all about fanciness and efficiency, so yea, had a blast ironing (and face-steaming) last night (C*** even came into the laundry room to check on me, saying "Tengok mummy tu, dah dapat iron baru, iron baju lama-lama pon takde complaint.")  

No complaint? Riggggght. Me and not complaining do not sound quite right. I can complaint about anything. he he. Not like I love finding fault in everything, but if you want something honest, I can absolutely tell you my mind.


Anyway, the iron is great tapi terlebih turbo pulak steam function dia, even at the lowest steam setting - so the next time I'm about to do the ironing, might as well put a layer of charcoal mask on, 2 in 1 you see?

Okay, I'm not complaining, it's just an honest feedback. :P

Thank you handsome.  

Lepas ni get me the Dyson bladeless tower fan pulak, can ah?

of.expectation.&.me.

I have a thing when it comes to expectation. I detest hoping or expecting for something so when I do something for someone, I really don't expect much.

I do not expect to be showered with praises or flowers or gifts or anything along that line because when I did it, I did it because I wanted to, like c'mon, I won't let anyone bully me into doing something that I rather not do - unless they put a gun on my head or something, that is a different story altogether. You got the drift.

So yea, I have almost zero, nada expectation - tho honestly, a thank you would be nice.

But you know what ticks me off? Someone who couldn't be bothered to even utter a single word of appreciation but had the guts to throw a fit over a mere dissatisfaction.

It's like helping someone with an essay, you wrote the entire 1000 words perfect essay for them - only to have it thrown back in your face - just because you forgot to put a blardy dot on the last sentence.

Urgh..can't you put the dot on yourself? Do you not know how? Is it such a chore to add on that missing bit after all that has been done for you?

Susah sangat ke?

Like what's your problem?

You must be glad to be such an ass. I'll applaud you later.

of.BBW2014.&.me.

I finally went to the Big Bad Wolf 2014 last week on Wednesday, my 4th year of going cray cray over the books at one of the biggest book sale ever.

As usual, I went alone - all the better to salivate over the yummy books. Armed with a medium-sized trolly bag and a tote bag - just in case some of my catch couldn't fit into the big bag.

Got there at 9am after dropping Myra off at her playschool. The traffic was pretty smooth heading to  MIECC and since it's my 3rd time there, I am pretty well versed with the parking arrangement and got myself a good spot to park the car. They even had a pickup service in front of the main entrance - leave your books there, go and get the car and drive over to pick up the books - so you don't have to fret about having to lug those heavy books down the stairs if you happened to park downstairs, like I did last year. Nasib baik tak patah pinggang. I was heavily pregnant then.

So yea, I spent 4 hours there, with 30 mins tea break (the food selections wasn't too shabby, but I was not hungry so couldn't say much about it). Managed to roamed the hall for the 1st round within 2 hours. Sorted the books, deposited the full-to-the-brim trolly bag to storage and went for a 2nd round. Picked up some more books, deposited them to storage too and went for a break. Collected the books and after a final sorting, headed to the payments counters - which are as efficient as usual - to make the payment, whilst picking up some more books along the way.

My haul are mostly for myself. I bagged 16 general fiction and non-fiction books. I also dig memoirs. Yea, no romance and the sort for me. I don't do romance anymore tho I'm still the self-confessed sentimental junkie.

Bought a bunch of books for the kids too, as they are a bunch of little book-eaters, you just hafta replenish their book every year, the harder the cover, the better. :P


I didn't get as crazy as I did the previous years, so my catch was pretty moderate, so much so that I couldn't believe myself. Awesome self-control I hafta say. I even gave the John Grisham's books to little brother, so that he'll be able to read em first, whilst I'll slowly go through the rest of the haul.  Managed to finish a book so far - Keeper of the Light: Diane Chamberlain (it's the 1st book of a trilogy, hafta hunt for the others next time), 15 more to go.

They should suffice until the next BBW. I hope.

I feel like going for a 2nd trip, tapi cukup lah kot?

of.kids.&.me.

Shariq gonna be 9 month young within a week and I've been slacking in the milestones department.

Mak anak dua macam ni lah, I barely have time to put my thoughts together, apetah lagi nak recall on their newly acquired skills.

Shariq for instant, is sooo manja these days, whenever he sees me, he'll go "Maa maaaa". Yup, he calls me Mama alright. I first thought it's probably one of this constant mumblings, but he only does that whenever he wanna call out to me or whilst crawling toward me, wanting to be picked up. So yea, at 8 month old, he already calls me Mama. *smiles from ear to ear*

Sometime last month, taught him how to use the straw bottle and he aced like a champ - just like his sister.

I don't know bout you, but I love to hmpp..blow ka? You know, blow on the kids' tummies so that you'll hear the wet-farting sound? ha ha.

So yea, I do that ever so often to Shariq (and Myra too, she's still my baby what?), his tummy is owh so soft and yummy and buncit that I cannot resist. These days, he does that to me too, but not limited to moi tummy. He'll do it on my arms, my shoulder, my kaki pon boleh (especially when he propped himself up against my leg, like "if you don't want your leg to be covered with my saliva mum, pick me up quick!".

Kids these days, they think that they are the boss. Phbbtt..

Owh, he adores his daddy. What's up with my kids and adoring their daddy?

T____T

Whenever C***'s back home after a work trip, he'd literally throw himself at him. Macam setahun tak jumpa. If C*** comes back home late at night when he's already asleep, rest assured that the next morning, when he wakes up and sees his daddy, kelam kabut merangkak toward him - crawling all over me in the process. I feel so used.

T_____T

Myra is as talkative and as expressive as ever tho you won't hear much of her if you're a stranger. She takes time to warm to people, which is good in my book, what with the unexpected world we're living in today.

She picked up some witty phrases from school so when I ask her about what she'd want to have for dinner after picking her up from school, she'd probably go "Apa-apa pon boleh". Great - then when you suggested spinach pasta for dinner (mak dia of course suggest yang senang, takkan nasi tomato ayam merah pulak), she'll ended up asking for nasi goreng instead. So much of apa-apa pon boleh, sebijik perangai ayahnda mu nak - and here I am thinking that apa-apa pon boleh really mean that I get to choose what I want (to cook in this context). Harapan palsu semata.

I think at 3yo 8mth, it's already pretty invalid to write bout her ability to count, to recognize shapes, colors, animals and alphabets - as it's pretty normal for kids these days. She already got those under her sleeves as long as I could remember. Still not pushing her to write, gonna start sometime soon, already got the activity books from BBW 2 days ago.

As much as I'd like to think that my girl is a bubbly little one, she also cries a lot these days, crocodile tears more like it.Crying out loud for attention. More often than not I had to refrain myself from lashing at her. She'd cry bout petty stuff and you can tell that it's pure mengada-ness. Sometimes she's fine with our reasoning and sometimes not. When I'm well rested, I honestly don't really mind the drama, somewhere at the back of my mind, she's still a baby. My baby at that - but having to face those after a long day at work is pretty tough, biting-my-tongue tough.

So when I did lash out on her, I hope that she's not losing her faith in me. I'm human after all. Mak bukan tak sayang, tapi mak penat.

I hope that it's just a phase. We'll make it through together, right?

I love you kids, to the moon and back.  ♥

of.help.&.me.

I've been sitting on pins and needles ever since the Big Bad Wolf 2014 started few days ago.

I managed to catch up with the reading during my confinement (months ago). Yer lah, I was more relaxed this time around and didn't fret much bout the baby and whatnot, so I was able to read more.

Done with the entire book haul - those that I bagged during the previous BBW - so I'm now reduced to re-read some of my favourite stash. Sungguh kesian. I can actually remember some of the lines now.

So yea, must get myself there sometime this week, during the weekdays of course. I still have some days off to spare, so why not?

C***'s not interested in going, so I guess that I'm on my own - which is fine, I'll take it as a me-time, yes?

My weekend was pretty eventful, got a call early on Saturday morning from an aunt, asking whether I (or should I say, C***) could help her daughter with her car - which was stranded in a workshop somewhere. he he. I don't know sh*t about car, but yea, fret not, my other half was around to the rescue.

Went to pick up the little cousin at her campus sometime after 11am. Off we went to the workshop and C*** decided to let the mechanic proceed with the fixes, after all it was nothing major else he'd prefer to tow the car else where. The mechanic even promised to deliver the car back to the campus once he's done with the car.

So all good tho it's funny that they even had to ask,pretty formally at that, like if I could be of any help, I'd be glad to help in any way I can. Nama pon family. That's what family is for kan?

We later went for a quick groceries shopping and a quick pizza lunch (since I've been telling C*** that I wanted to have fresh-from-the-oven pizza, instead of the usual take-out pizza). Stocked up on fruits and veges. Grapes, gold kiwi, persimmon, plums, apricots, pears and pomegranate. Some for us and some to be pureed for the baby. I even bought a gigantic aloe vera leaf - which I'm yet to cut up and turn into something that I've been wanting to eat, aloe vera gel + white fungus + longan.

Made my version of mee goreng mamak for dinner using the leftover kuah satey from the day before - yea, a mee goreng is not mamak enough if it's sans the kuah kacang. C*** managed to polish off like 3 plateful of em, and instead of thanking me for the meal, he was like "Lepas ni jangan masak sedap sangat, boleh? Nanti saya gemuk awak bising.". Well, you're welcome darling. *roll eyes* 

On Sunday, I woke up early to make us a pasta lunch. I love to slow cook my beef bolognese as I'd usually use the lean minced meat, it's a bit dry without all the fat so I personally like to simmer it a wee bit longer, say 1-2 hours . I was done with the sauce before we went out to stock up on the fishes and poultry. Bought the usual stuff and a little bit more.

Came back home, loaded up the washing machine, ate lunch, golek-golek a bit with the kids. Watched tv. Made cucur udang for tea. C*** then reheated the leftover mee goreng (yea, ada another portion in the fridge) with the addition of cucur udang. "Baru la mamak betul " katanya.

I think that I'm married to a mamak Melaka.


T____T

Sebab dah beli ikan, had to cook a full course dinner but it was nothing complicated.

Sorted out C***'s uniforms and later had to 'entertain' the little highness who refused to sleep even after countless direct feed. He eventually slept at 11.30PM. Great. I was already half asleep.

Haih, tak sabaq nak pi shopping buku.

of.stress-free.&.me.

It's Friday and instead of having a stress-free mind to mark the end of the weekdays, I'm having it otherwise.

I stumbled into a dead end, dah tak tau nak debug macam mana dah. I googled for ideas,dive into the usual Java forums, checked on everything, every single line of the blardy code and everything seems to be right and yet, it refused to work - on my machine and only on my machine.

T_______T

Working with something that I have almost nada control of, lagi lah tak membantu.

So let's just listen to boss - "Leave it at that, the ghost gonna be gone on Monday, work on it again next week."

 Rightt.

*sighs*

I also forgot to bring my cellphone to work *bangs head on table*, so I can't channel my stress else where, nak meroyan kat bff ka, nak cuci mata kat ig ka? Can you imagine how devastating is this for me? ha ha.

Devastating la sangat.

Stress aside, I had a good lunch with Zue on Wednesday, her treat. Picked her up at the office and headed to Mid Valley for lunch. The last time we met was probably 2 months ago, but this friend of mine, no matter how long is the gap since our last meet up, we'll pick up where we left off. It's amazing to see how far we've come.

Absolutely something that I'm thankful for. :)

On another lighter note, the little one somehow ruined one of my favourite pots 2 days ago (how did it happen, is a mystery to me), so I had a quick trip to IKEA yesterday for a replacement. Instead of buying a single pot, I bought a set of pots and pan on sale instead - since IKEA is having their 24 days before Xmas countdown thingy - the cookware set happened to be the offer of the day, so instead of RM219, I bagged it up for RM149.

It's the heavy, thick and sturdy type from their IKEA 365+ series, so I guess that it's not too shabby eh?


Hopefully it gonna be sturdy enough to endure the daily use - since I'm not planning to invest on expensive cookwares just yet - not until we move into the new house, which is probably another year or two more to go - so we just gonna survive on the exisiting Tefals and these new addition to my cookware family.

Yea, I can actually write about work and periuk, all at the same time. Makcik-makcik sangat.

Happy weekend, I'm going to drag C*** to hunt for baklava.

Fresh, crunchy and mildly sweet baklava. :P

of.dream ride.&.me.

As I was blog-hopping yesterday, came across a blog and the blogger wrote about how our people would value someone based on stuff that they own.

Hafta admit that in our society these days, owning a big shiny car seems to be the benchmark. The bigger, the newer, the better, yes?

Like yea, kereta kau cabuk jer, you must be doing poorly in your life. Tengok jiran sebelah, he just got himself a new ride, he must be earning tonnes.

Seriously? How shallow can you be?

I'm going to tackle this based on my perception. Take it from me, I've been working my ass off for the past 6 years, and all that I own is a locally made car whilst my baby brother, who just started working less than 2 years ago, got himself a better ride than mine. Heck, he could get 2 of mine with the price of his.

Does it mean that he's doing better financially than me? No.

Do I mind?

Honestly, not so much. Tipu la tak kisah langsung. ha ha.

Yea, I mind the fact that I couldn't get my hands on my dream ride despite all the hard work and it's not due to the financial constraint - but largely due to the fact that I'm married to a very practical guy.

Do you get the feeling of finally being able to afford something but eventually not having the luxury to own it?

Like, duit dah cukup seringgit ni nak beli ice cream pelangi, tapi you just have to stop yourself because your parents told you that it's bad for you and you're better off with a bottle of water - which is a cheaper and a healthier option altogether.

That's probably not the most awesome example, but that's about it.

I also mind the fact that I didn't get to own my dream ride because someone talked me out of it - since I love good cars - not because I bother bout what people would think.

So yea, go ahead and get yourself a husband who works for a car manufacturer, you'll ended up with a car from his company instead - with staff's discount of course. he he.

Not like it's an entirely bad thing, as I don't have to bother much bout the scheduled maintenance (got discount some more, what's not to love about discount, I am a cheapskate, remember?), warranty issues and whatnot , he'll sort it out for me, happily, I hope.

The ride is also pretty easy on my paycheque. It gets me to work - less than 50km back and forth everyday and that's about it.

I just need a car for work and that's what my other half got me. A practical car for work. Nothing more, nothing less - as we already have an MPV for balik kampung and another small car for the other half to drive to work.

So yea, whilst I didn't get to own my dream car (yet) due to the other half's numerous practical reasoning, at least takde lah menyakitkan hati (sangat). :P

Does it mean that I'm doing poorly? From a shallow perspective, yes. Keje dah bertahun, bawak keta tu jerrrr? Kata makcik sebelah rumah.

Well, not saying that I'm that super either. At the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be able to get myself a Panamera even if I wanted to. ha ha. Tak agak-agak. Mind you, it's not the dream car that I wanted to get my hands on previously, of course la I is sedar diri. Mimpi ku masih jejak di bumi lagi, belum sampai ke langit. I'm realistic just like that.

Anyway, since I have the power to choose, I chose to listen to the other half reasoning and set my priorities straight and put my money on a house instead ( the monthly installment itself is triple the amount that I have to pay for the car, why la rumah is so freaking expensive these days, you either pay a lot for a good one nearby the city or for a modest payment, dapat la a good one tapi located jauh gila tak tercapai akalku. *sighs* ) - so I'm doing fine, I guess.

So yea, instead of the usual biar papa asal bergaya, let's go with biar nampak papa, asal kaya, yes?

P/S: My definition of kaya in not solely based on monetary value, there's more to richness of life besides moolah, if you know what I mean. :)

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