♥of.paranoia.&.me.♥

I didn't notice that I missed my escapism(read:blog) 5th birthday - until a dear friend of mine messaged me and wrote "Ey, it's been 5 years and you're still blogging eh?" Like yea, it's been 5 years, 5 loong years and I'm still here, rambling, crapping, emo-ing - like nobody's business.

Well,time flies and the year is coming to an end and I just hafta admit that it's been one hell of a year for me, I'm so very thankful. Kick ass as expected. Educating and life-changing to an extend. Progressed beyond expectation. Heart-warming and somehow it ended up with a drama. The biggest one so far, the kind that I could absolutely live without for the next one thousand years.

(CAUTION:This is when I'm starting to sound like a psychopath.)

Regardless the drama, I could still assure you that my feelings remain the same tho my trust is not.

It was altered in a way or another - please note that I have an issue over trust(you could be lorat,you could be degil,you could go and sweet talk with the anak macik sebelah rumah for all I care, you could occasionally throw your tantrum but do not violate my trust,it's like my pantang tok nenek, you see?) and tho I refrain myself from sounding like a psychotic gf, let me remind you C***, pleaseeee do not trigger my paranoia. I don't want it to be altered beyond repair - coz when that happened there's no use of reminding me of how things used to be and no matter how I feel about you, I might not be moved or in another word - nanti dah tak guna satu sen pon.(Yea,degil.Just like you said).

So dear, I could still count on you to make it right, right? *raises eyebrow*

Yea, this is what happened when I speak my mind,that's WHY I prefer to keep my mouth shut when it comes to this kinda thing,even when it's gnawing me from within - as long as someone didn't show up and shower me with fishy questions and give me fishy remarks in return it doesn't tick me off or trigger my paranoia. I hafta admit that I'm sorta easy to please so you should be relief that I'm pretty much fine with anything except one thing,which you should be very well informed by now.

Owh, one more thing,in case you didn't notice. I'm selfish.

I'm always selfish when it comes to relationship therefore there are stuff that I cannot tolerate. There's no such thing as sangat berbaik hati nak menjaga perasaan org lain for me.

Hmppp....okie, that doesn't sound right.I sound evil, well let me rephrase - menjaga perasaan orang-orang yang patut, all for the right reason, YES dipersilakan. I couldn't be any happier to be with such thoughtful person BUT berbaik hati menjaga perasaan orang lain whilst giving him/her all the wrong impression and hopes is a hella big NO. Okie? You should put a stop to that(& you better), we can't simply lead someone on unintentionally, it's not sympathy, it's torture so don't risk it.

Well,in case you're wondering. I'm not exploding. I've told you that I was not angry(not much anyway). It's more like afraid, yea takut. It takes a blardy load of courage for me to come this far and please don't make me doubt you and myself this time okie?

Okie, enough said. I bet C*** gonna freak out once he read this whilst thinking

"Owh God,how did I get myself a crazy girlfriend,I know she's a bit crazy,but this is like super crazy"

(which is maybe lambat lagi or never,but I just need to get it out of my system,else I'll keep on thinking about it over and over again since I have this unsettled feeling about it and I'll be bitter and go crazy for real). he he.

Owh well, talking about kalau sakit hati tu jangan simpan-simpan kan? :P Kan dah keluar berkajang-kajang,cakap lama-lama aritu pon tak cukup. Be careful of what you wish for darling.

Anyway, Happy New Year(1430H & 2009) to all. Lets overcome everything and start anew. I thank God for another year and I hope the new year gonna be better. A whole lot better. Dearest,I wish the same for you. :x

p/s:Owh esok dating dengan the newly engaged darling.Wowee.